The idiot's guide to being a complete idiot

The idiot's guide to being a complete idiot

I tried connecting to the net earlier this evening when I noticed that the link and data indicators on the modem were off.It has happened before and when reported the guys at customer support asked me to switch it off , wait for a while and switch it back on and it was back to business. I pride myself on a being a smart computer user and prefer to fix known problems myself where possible. I tried switching the modem off a couple of times but the problem this time seemed more complex. So I called customer support. After dialing 1 for English and 2 for Internet related problem and 2 again for modem problem, I was informed that I was about to be connected to a service executive and that the call was being recorded and may be used for their internal training purposes. Finally a human voice was heard enquiring politely about the nature of my problem that had caused me to brave the call. I get frazzled dealing with pre-recorded voices. Basically I am the type who, when faced with a problem, likes to dial the number, state my problem and have it fixed asap. Not for me an IVR system - 'if this, press this else, press that' and so on. (It is actually worse with telebanking where you have to enter 13 digit account numbers and card numbers apart from having to listen to an enthusiastic voice telling you about all their innovative products which you most probably don't need)

Anyway where was I? Ok, I finally got a kind, human voice assuring me that it was all going to be fine but only if I would permit him to place me on hold while he went away to investigate the problem. As if I had a choice! And so he went away while I was being enticed with possibilities of a ticket to Bangkok or a new smart Swift car if I paid my bill on time. After I had heard this over 20 times in continuous succession, there came another human voice thanking me for waiting and repeating my problem in accurate detail.
Am I speaking to Mrs so and so from number such and such, modem model such and such and is this the nature of the problem you reported?
(What next? will I be asked to swear on the Bhagavad Gita?)But I only said "that's correct."
This was the conversation that followed:
Voice at other end (VOE): Are all the four lights on the modem on?
Me: No, the link and data ones are off.
VOE:Did you recently make any changes to your computer and modem connections?
Me: No.
VOE: Other than the modem do you see a small white box?
By now he was speaking to me like a fireman trying to rescue a three year old locked inside a bathroom with a gun. Clearly enunciating every word so there is no misunderstanding.
I wanted to ask "you mean the ADSL inline filter?" but I was beginning to enjoy this so I played along. "yes, the white box, it is there."
VOE: can you see that there are three points for connection?
Me: (without even bothering to look at the box) Ya line, modem and phone.
(if only he knew the number of times I have plugged and unplugged these while moving the laptop and modem between rooms)
VOE: Now please don't remove anything but just check and tell me if there are cords leading from all three lines.
Me: (Hey, stop being so condescending. Don't you make allowances for basic intelligence when you deal with customers? Check if cables are connected indeed. what next? check if power is switched on?)
Bending under the table,pulling out the white box and staring at it in shock, disbelief, shame in that order.
(into the telephone)The cord connecting to the modem has fallen off.(possible suicide attempt? fallen off, ha!) I've connected it now. Thank you very much.
VOE: ( displaying no obvious emotion) please connect the modem and tell me if all the 4 lights are on and confirm that your net connection is working madam.
Me:(very subdued and distracted) yes, I have, they are, it does. Thank you.
VOE: Thank you for calling customer service. Have a good day.
And I bet they filed the recorded conversation for the training session titled "customer may always be right but not always bright."

Anyone for a training on making a complete idiot of oneself while leaving evidence in a recorded conversation?