Presence without presents

Presence without presents

Recently I received a wedding invitation which clearly mentioned - 'we request your valued presence on both the days and request presents in blessings only.'
A couple of days before the wedding, I received a call from another friend who had also been invited and she wanted to know if we were planning for a gift as a group. I pointed out that no gift was needed as their preference was stated quite unequivocally in the card and that we ought to respect it. But this friend was shocked that I intended to walk in empty handed and insisted that we check with the rest of the group. Finally I decided to take a bouquet as a compromise and it turned out that almost everyone had come with some gift or other - it seems that no one really believes that the couple mean it when they say something like that in their invitation.

Most of us know from our experience that there is nothing called a perfect gift for someone else unless it is close family or friends and you know exactly what they would like. Many times we end up picking up decorative pieces without even a clue about what their house looks like. I assume most people would prefer doing up their house according to their personal taste rather than be compelled to use assorted gifts that have been randomly picked driven by someone else's budget and taste.And in any case there are too many vases and clocks and tea sets after a wedding for one family's needs and they need to be given away or re-gifted.
So why do we insist on wasting money when someone has clearly requested not to bring a gift? We feel embarrassed to be empty handed when we go up to the couple to wish them. And we also know that no one else will take such requests seriously (as it happened at this wedding I was talking about) and you may end up looking like a fool.

So how do we make people stop this? How do we word this request so they know we mean business? One couple I know had stated that all gifts would be donated to charity and they would prefer if cheques were made in favour of a particular charity. Apparently there were two boxes at the entrance to the hall and everyone dropped their gifts/ cheque in the appropriate box and walked in empty handed to wish the couple. Brilliant idea, I thought. I don't know what others thought especially the ones who had insisted on taking expensive gifts. But I guess you have to do something like this if people do not understand simple instructions in plain language.

In case you are aware of any other effective means of communicating that you really want only their presence and blessings, please share them with me.

P.s: While on the topic of gifts, Paul has a lovely post here (actually all his posts are lovely and thought provoking) please check them out.