Eligible but unmarriable?

Eligible but unmarriable?

I meet them ever so often these days - Smart,qualified, witty, employed young women, extrovert, party animals - in short "eligible" in every sense but unmarried.Reason: they haven't come across the "right" man yet.Are their expectations very high? Do they want the looks of a Brad Pitt and the qualities of a Darcy and the wealth of Bill Gates preferably with the voice of Amitabh Bachchcan and the poetry of Neruda? Not really. They just want a man who shares their interests and respects their independence and is fun to be with.Or so they claim!
So I asked one of them if they mean to say that they haven't found any like that among all the men they meeet. She said that she hasn't actually had the opportunity to find out because none of the meetings has proceeded beyond meeting at parties and she doesn't want to make the first move and sound desperate unless she is sure that the other person has some interest in her! And I have a suspicion that the men are not making the first move precisely for the same reason. so you meet them everywhere - young, smart, qualified......eligible in every sense but unmarried!

So when I got the occasion to talk to a couple of young men, "eligible" and unattached, I asked him what the problem was, in order to get a male perspective.They said that the girls these days are great as friends but not so great as wives - they wanted everything and were not ready to make any compromises.

Probing further, this is what I understood.I dont mean to sound like one of those agency surveys which draw conclusions on sociological trends after interviewing 100 people, but I wondered if the root of the problem lay in the fact that in the past 50 years women have outgrown their traditional roles while men are still not ready to contribute as much to the domestic responsibilities. Is it to do with the mindset that acquiring the skills required around keeping house and managing children is a bit of a feminisation of the male which is considered a backward step for them while a woman moving into traditional male bastions is considered as a step forward for them? Even though the division of responsibilities between men and women started out without any value implications, the "women's territories" have acquired an implied inferiority over the years probably because they don't have the potential to bring any money to the family revenues. And so men do not see any value addition in acquiring these skills.Where possible they try to avoid it by outsourcing the service - cooking for example but there are certain responsibilities that one or the other spouse has to take on personally and it is still the woman who does it in the majority of the cases. And when some women rebel against this and question why it cant be the man who makes the career sacrifices for the sake of keeping the family together, men complain that these women want "everything" and don't give up anything!
But isn't it precisely what men have been doing all these years?

I do believe that definitions of marriage and family are up for major changes in the course of this century. The above issues are already a source of unhappy marriages and even divorces in some cases. And a lot of young people are nervous about making a the commitment to a married relationship - some say they are not marrying in order to avoid a divorce! Everyone wants more from relationships and are not willing to be restrained by societal norms in case they dont get what they want.

Good or bad, this is the reality. And like all generations, this generation will come up with its own solutions for these issues.And in the mean time,you meet them ever so often these days - Smart,qualified, witty, employed young women, extrovert, party animals - in short eligible in every sense but unmarried!